NP: L'Amour, Les Baguettes, Paris - Stella Jang
It will be my first (or second) post which is written in English, so please keep in mind that I'm still learning so hard even my head can easily explode out right now.
I had some issues lately that sometimes it was so hard to keep my sanity safe and, sadly, the most terrifying enemy I've ever known in my life is even myself. It's so hard until I found someone who, I thought, could help me for this far. I kept trying to answer all questions in my head, even I knew it was all about bullshits. I could not handle it myself, I need someone who can neutralize me, at least, it was my psychologist said.
I've spent every all night long with shouting at myself because all dumb ass thoughts were trying to suffocate and intoxicate me. It was so hard to know what was real or was it only in my brain? I was starting get angry even though everybody just sit still and did nothing. I built people who's even not real, places which are not exist, and the world which seems like they want to torture me. It was REALLY so hard for me, like there's a thing hit me so fuckin' hard right in my face. I know it doesn't sound make sense, but I don't know how to control it. Everything seems out of my control.
So, my psychologist suggested me (again) to go to psychiatrist to check all the diagnoses and get further medication. It looked messed up and was even getting worse once my family's trying to dig my unhealed wounds. It's okay, it's not my first time. I will try my best to against the shits and flush it out, even though sometimes I can't lie to myself that I need someone to give me their hand.
In the meantime, I think I want to focus on my Master. I have researched some universities which may be have the major I want. Maastricht has that major called Corporate and Commercial Law. It doesn't really write that it will be a International Business Law which I want, but since I check the syllabus, I think it will be my first choice to choose because it aligns with my recent work and hopefully will help me to get a scholarship. I know right the elective major I took in my Bachelor is not that match with my work and the major I'm going to take on my Master, but everybody changes, right? Haha.
For the sake of realizing it, I'm making plan to go to National Library with my friends. It's been a long long day since I didn't to go to library, so it's not that bad, huh? I'm so happy that finally I have time to have a me-time (it's not really me-time though, I bring my friends haha) with books, one of my favorite things. I really hope that day will be one of my favorite days too.
Ciao.
